December 30, 2008

Suggested NYE Parties

Oy vey. Things have been super nuts lately! But like, fun kind of nuts. This past week for me included partying with Steve Aoki, Treasure Fingers, all my closest friends... and lots of Grey Goose in my eyes. But mostly in my mouth thankfully as you can see. More documentation of the Steve Aoki show at B.E.D. here.

Photo by Miami New Times/Tony Vargas

On another note, tomorrow's New Years Eve! Don't be caught sitting at home in front of the TV to watch the ball drop... get out and about! Here are a couple affordable or free (!) parties that I think are worth the visit tomorrow night:

1. White Room (map)
NO ENTRANCE FEE/COVER ALL NIGHT! Complimentary champagne toast.
For cabana, table & bottle reservations call (305) 995-5050.
RSVP on Facebook

2. Flight 09 @ FalconTrust Air Hangar (map)
$99 pre-sold tickets. Premium cocktails, great food, jet planes, exotic cars, live DJ’s, and Cirque de Soleil- inspired entertainment. Evening wear required.
Call (786) 278-0606 for tickets.
RSVP on Facebook

3. A Burlesque New Year's Eve @ The Raleigh (map)
A wild, theatrical Poplife party full of outrageous fun; in one of South Beach’s most iconic settings. Featuring an appearance by Amanda Lepore.
$150 tickets available here.
RSVP on Facebook

4. Rokbar New Year's (map)
No cover from 11pm-1am! $20 afterward.
Live set by DJ Gunars. Complimentary champagne toast.
Call (305) 674-4397 for table reservations.

Those are the few things I could find that were under $200. Should be good! I'll be at White Room of course. BE SAFE. I'll see you in 2009!

December 26, 2008

Steve Aoki in Miami

I honestly don't think I need to say much about this. It's going to be awesome. You already knew that. It'll be hosted by two of the hottest chicas I know, Coochie Cutters (Clara/Magic Baby and Linda)!

Buy your $25 tickets here.

December 24, 2008

Oh Shit

Wait. Hold on. Is it seriously Christmas tomorrow? I've been so out of it lately. Too much partying. Well I guess you all know what this means. Time for some of this (right-click and Save As, bitches). IT'S A NECESSITY.

Wow, that looks nothing like Mariah Carey. Has it been that long? 14 years, geez.

December 16, 2008

Moving Again

I decided last week that I'm going to be moving right on back to Miami. It's not that I don't like Chicago -- it's a cool city, seriously -- I'm just not feeling it as much as my hometown. I'm also not feeling all this damn cold weather. I'll be visiting Chicago and whatnot but hopefully before the end of December I'll be completely moved out of my apartment in The Loop and be back in swing in the 305. I won't be gone forever though. I'll occasionally come by for good parties I hear about and stuff.

I plan to travel to parties all over this winter and spring. Places I plan to hit up are NYC, L.A., Melbourne, and possibly Atlanta! Let's hope I get a new camera this Christmas so I can document my craziness and stop relying on party photographers. I really do appreciate people like Jipsy, Justin, Bronques, Clayton, etc. Thanks for capturing the memoriesss.

See you bitches this weekend! Hit me up on Twitter/Facebook/MySpace/here/whatever and let me know what's going down. Let's partyyy.

December 15, 2008

Happy Birthday, Veronica!

Why you should go to White Room tonight:

1. It's my girl Veronica's birthday (she's pretty awesome).
2. It's Quentin Tarantino-themed.
3. It's FREE.
4. There will be 2-4-1 drinks from 10pm-11pm and 3am-4am.
5. A documentary filming will be in progress!
6. You know you want to dance you ass off.

Unfortunately I won't be able to make it to be Jungle Julia (I'm in Chicago for a few more days), but you should go and dance your ass off!

December 13, 2008


Yes, it's me. I'm vain, I know.
Hey! Yes, I know, I totally suck at updating. I've just been really busy with life-things. At least I'm not one of those people that takes time aside out of their real lives to blog once (or twice) a day. Plus, I'm not quite sure what to talk about when I'm not all up in the parties.

I'm 90% sure I'm going to be moving back to Miami permanently this winter. Chicago's cool and all but it's getting kind of old (and cold). I'm just not feeling it anymore. Plus, all my people are in the 305!

I'll be flying back to Miami for the holidays (and again, to probably start moving back) on Monday night.

If you don't have me added on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter or tumblr yet, do it! It's all on the right side of this page. >

November 27, 2008

Lix Says Happy Thanksgiving!

Photo by Lex

Last night was pretty awesome. Rye Rye is super hot live (especially when you're shaking it to the ground about ten feet away from her on-stage)! Check out the 'HARDCORE GIRLS' photo set on 8mts and see if you can find a picture of me. I'm too busy getting ready for a dinner I can't enjoy to look right now. Being vegan is rough.

Also, I drew a picture on the plane ride over to Miami last night for you guys. I'll scan it later.

Tonight -- be sure to dance off the calories you've stuffed yourself with at White Room for The Freaks Come Out at Night! Featuring the debut of Coochie Cutters (my girls Linda Attias and Clara Infante) as a rap duo. Stravinsky, Damaged Goods, MGA, Cosmo and Diego de la Vega complete the lineup tonight. 18+ are welcome and it's only a $5 cover with 2-4-1 drinks alllll niiiiight loooong.

November 25, 2008

I Know What I'm Thankful For.

Here is one of many things to do for the week of Thanksgiving. Ergo, be thankful for parties.

In my opinion, the heavy hitter will be tomorrow in Miami when M.I.A.'s 17-year-old club girl, Rye Rye, and a pioneer (he could be a father, he's 40!) of Baltimore ass-shaking tracks, Scottie B, get together. It's a b-more attack! Intense. I'm super excited. I need to get on booking an afternoon flight so I can definitely make it (I get flights that arrive in Miami after 10pm for some reason).

Neighborhood booty-skaking attack to be exact!

Spiderpussy presents Thanksgiving Eve B-More Attack
White Room, 1306 N. Miami Ave.
Wednesday, November 26
Rye Rye with Scottie B Live, plus Johnny Strokes & AL B Rotten
$10, Doors at 10pm

More holiday/ArtBasel Miami parties to come...!

November 20, 2008


Oops, I think I've been posting to my tumblr more than I've been posting here. If you're ever bored, you should look through that. While I'm bored (not doing work I'm supposed to be doing) I just sit on my laptop and discover all kinds of random shit of interest.

Like today I came upon MTV Music. Maybe people started bitching about how MTV is no longer Music Television but Whiny-Rich-Bitch-Reality-Shows Television. Whatever it was that sparked the idea, it's a good one. Now instead of looking to YouTube for shitty quality music videos spammed by strange comments in foreign languages you can just look to MTV Music's database of pretty much every music video they have shown.

Um, other than that I've been addicted to online shopping as of late. Or at least online browsing due to my currently being semi-broke (mmm, graphic design supplies). I've been obsessing over all the holiday collections on Sephora...

November 11, 2008

All We Do Is Party (ah-ah-ah-ahh)!

Photos from

Can I get a look past the rip from an overplayed MSTRKRFT track and get an "amen"?

Finally an exhibition that credits a few of our local hardworking photographers. Time to throw up some appreciation for the ones that capture all the fun moments for you -- managing to make you look like the hot hipster you are despite being drunk (and quite possibly wired) as fuck and sweaty in ultra-tight American Apparel. You just gotta give it up.

That being said, I'll see you at All We Do Is Party: A Look at the Art of Party Photography. The work of Clayton Hauck, Geoff Adler, Nem Perez, Brandon Breaux, Lindsay Apatow and more will be blown up monster-size (some 5' tall!) for your SLR-conscious eyes. Oh yeah, and there will be food, drinks and a live photobooth! Sets will be from Kid Color and Tewz. Fun stuff. Did I mention it was completely FREE? The exhibition will be taking place at All Rise Gallery (1370 W. Grand Ave.) and run from 8pm to 11pm. And like all things party-related, there is an after-party at Angels and Kings (710 N. Clark Ave.) with a versus set with Skyler and Zebo. This will be photographed by all of those included in the earlier show. Your drunken face is bound to show up somewhere on the interwebz.

Again, both things are FREE FREE FREE! So go!

Matt & Kim in Chicago

Huzzah, the super-adorable Matt & Kim are going to be touring not one, but two nights here in Chicago! If you haven't heard of them or haven't heard any of their new stuff, I highly suggest you take a listen and download their new track, "Daylight", for free on

Tour dates are as follows for the Chicago area:

Tuesday November 11th

2011 West North Ave.

with BF and Hollywood Holt, $10, 9pm

Wednesday November 12th

2011 West North Ave.

With BF, $10, all ages. This is an early show, 6pm!

Unfortunately the tour doesn't span too far out so they won't be in Miami. Bug them on the their MySpace to do a show in the 305 (or see other tour dates) and show them some love!

Meanwhile, I'm freezing my ass off and wishing I was back home 90 miles from Cuba. I've been updating my tumblr a lot recently, so be sure to check that out! Sorry I got lazy with the main site.

November 4, 2008

This is it, you guys.

Tonight is a historic night. It seems that mostly all of Chicago is hyped up for Obama's last campaign rally right here in our very own Grant Park. If you managed to get an official ticket to enter the actual area where Obama will be speaking, ughimsojealousfuckyou. If not, I really think you should head out there anyway - - be a part of this! This is a world-changing day, event and decision that we Americans all need to recognize. Do be careful though if you decide to head out there, there is to be an estimated one million people in attendance. Uh, again. Historic.

Here's a super helpful graphic taken from the Chicago Tribune site to help you navigate the area. You can click this image to enlarge it.

I'm still at work the 9th floor of a building looking at the Art Institute and I can hear the cheering already. I'll be there tonight covering the event. So far, all I've got for you are these pictures by my window at my desk from about an hour ago (I have a pretty nice view aside fromt the reflection of computers, sorry about that).

Millenium Park and a high-rise building that got clever with lighting!

More clever lighting from the left facade of the Art Institute of Chicago.

For more information about the rally in Chicago tonight please visit the Chicago Tribune website. To watch states hopefully light up blue, check out the live updating map on CNN.

Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King could walk, Martin Luther King walked so Obama could run, Obama's running so we all can fly.

November 3, 2008

PLEASE Vote Tomorrow.

If you haven't already voted early. If you don't know where to vote tomorrow, use this. Just punch in your address and it'll give you all the information you need, including a polling place you can go to.

November 1, 2008

Currently In Miami

Photo by Justin Namon

Hope your Halloween was as fun as mine. I flew back to Miami last night and went to Heathrow with my friend Duran to see Chromeo* last night! More pictures from the event are here.

(Download Chromeo's super fire remix of Treasure Finger's "Cross the Dancefloor"!)

After I had my fill of Chromeo I headed to The Vagabond for the Dos Equis burlesque-y circus-y themed party. That was fun too. Pictures from that event are also on the Miami New Times site.

Tonight be sure to stop by the Dios de los Muertos/post-Halloween thing at White Room and give me a hug. Residents Mike Deuce and Aramis will be there as usual along with WVUM and Team Rojas in the Red Room. Doors at 10, no cover before midnight as usual otherwise it's $10. Drink specials all night long! Cool flyer too. Click it to see it bigger.

See you tonight.

October 20, 2008

Exposure Tonight @ White Room

Click to see it bigger.

Ah, one of my favorite parties. Too bad I'm freezing my ass off in Chicago right now (I got hardcore hailed on Friday night on the way to a party)! The great usual DJs will be going crazy in the red room at White Room (1306 N. Miami Ave.) tonight on the 1 and 2 for the weekly Exposure party. Don't show up if you don't like dancing, seriously. Go and meet yourself some cute electro hipster girls, get your 2-4-1 drank on and be sure to say hey to my girl Krystle for me!

RSVP for the event via Facebook.

October 19, 2008

Pictures From Last Night

Check out the Miami New Times site for more of Justin Namon's documentation of last night's Spin The Vote party at White Room!

October 18, 2008

Spin the Vote Tonight!

Click to see it bigger!If you're in Miami this weekend and are savvy about getting the democratic vote out (Obama '08!), then you really should hit up Poplife's Spin The Vote event tonight at White Room (1306 N. Miami Ave)! DJ Arthur Baker (best known for his work with artists like Afrika Bambaataa, Planet Patrol, New Order, Cyndi Lauper, Bob Dylan, Beastie Boys, Al Green etc.) will be making an appearance to spin a special electro set for the night with John Robie. Resident DJ Aramis and DJ Induce will also be there dropping hot tracks while reps from Obama's campaign and congressman Robert Wexler get you hyped about the upcoming election. Make sure you go! There's no cover and a 2-4-1 drink deal before midnight.

If you haven't registered to vote, do it! No joking around, get on that shit.

Chicago: If you haven't bought your >Yelle tickets yet, do it now. The show's on Tuesday at Logan Square Auditorium (2539 N Kedzie Blvd).

October 13, 2008

NARS Releases 2 New Sexy Kits

The Safer Set is available on for $37.

Earlier this month, the high-end cosmetic brand, NARS, whose best-selling blush color is called "Orgasm" comes The Safer Set. Along with the cream stick multiple in the "Orgasm" shade come two branded condoms and a little black book of ways to say 'no' so you can let the cute-but-not-THAT-cute boy know you're not down to get down without getting any blood on your hands. I'm semi-obsessed with NARS, so I'll be planning on getting this for it's limited-edition value.

No kids, it's not just a ha-ha -- a portion of the sale benefits Amfar programs to promote global safe sex education initiatives. Cheers to the man behind the brand, Francois Nars!

Also, if you guys don't have me added on MySpace yet, do it! I love friends.

October 11, 2008

Chicago's Street System Explained

You know how when you get off of the CTA you see the signs that would say for example, "Addison 3600N 940W"? If you're not a local (or maybe you are and just never bothered to decipher it), this can be ridiculously confusing. Sure you're on Addison Street, but what the fuck are all these numbers? I mean, what do you care?

So I've figured it out.

Chicago's gridded street system was originally laid out by the Chicago Board of Alderman in 1908. All addresses in the city are numbered from the center point intersection of State Street (which runs North and South) and Madison Avenue (which runs east and west) in The Loop area. For every 1 mile outward in any direction there are 8 city blocks. Henceforth, every 800 in numbers is a mile according the the "hundreds" block system. That's why you might hear directions that sound like, "about two thousand north on Western" or "twenty-four hundred west on Augusta" which both describe locations near the intersection of Western Avenue (2400 W) and Augusta Boulevard (1000 N).

That's pretty much the main idea with the grid system. Obviously it's near impossible to memorize the order of the streets by name, so here are some references that you may want to look into. Look around 24-hour diners or call 1 (800) 326-5399 for Turner's Expanded Chicagoland Street Guide, a staple piece of bound matter for anyone looking to get around with ease in the city. You can also take a look at the Chicago Neighborhoods and City Street Guide to get a better bearing on the "hundreds" grid system.

If all else fails and you can't figure it out, go to the nearest CTA employee manned next to the turnstiles at a train entrance and bug them about it, they're supposedly schooled to the teeth about the area. Good luck finding your way to the club and enjoy your Saturday night!

October 9, 2008

YELLE'S American Tour!

There's definitely no reason for you not to see the French electro cutie superstar, Yelle, in Miami! She's on her "C'est Amerique" tour and will be rocking the Polish American Club (1250 NW 22nd Ave) tomorrow. It's all ages and only $15. Buy your last minute tickets here. Yelle will also be coming to Chicago on the 21st -- I'll be there, you can count on it!

"Ce Jeu" (Check out the Nerf bullet-adorned sunglasses!)

"Je Veux Te Voir"

C'est Amerique tour dates are as follows:

Sat 10/11 : Orlando, FL @ The Social
Mon 10/13 : Washington, DC @ 9:30 Club
Tue 10/14 : New York, NY @ Webster Hall
Wed 10/15 : Boston, MA @ The Roxy
Tue 10/21 : Chicago, IL @ Logan Square Auditorium
Wed 10/22 : Milwaukee, WI @ Turner Hall
Fri 10/24 : Denver, CO @ Ogden Theatre
Sat 10/25 : Salt Lake City, UT @ Urban Lounge
Mon 10/27 : Seattle, WA @ Neumos
Tue 10/28 : Vancouver, BC @ Commodore Ballroom
Wed 10/29: Portland, OR @ Berbati's
Fri 10/31 : San Francisco, CA @ Mezzanine
Sat 11/01 : Los Angeles, CA @ Henry Fonda Theatre
Sun 11/02: San Diego, CA @ Beauty Bar

P.S. Now when you search the acronymn "UMCB" in Google, uppermiddleclassbitch shows up on the first page! It may be last on the list, but still!! Keep visiting the site, tell your friends, and show some love! There will also be a drawing for a free giveaway when the visitor count reaches 2,000. Sign up on the mailing list (on the left under my picture) to double your chances of winning. Tell your friends about the site and keep checking back! Love you guys!

October 7, 2008

Interview with The Fire and Reason's Bella Saona!

Many a Saturday night ago at Poplife (every Saturday at White Room), I had the pleasure of meeting and hanging out with the gorgeous Bella and Steve of the New York electro-rock band, The Fire and Reason (TFaR).

If you're down with catchy rifts, pretty vocals and good clean dancing music (who isn't?), check them out! Give 'em some love on their MySpace! If you're in Chicago, the Kinetic Playground is located at 1113 W. Lawrence -- only steps away from the CTA Red Line 'Lawrence' stop!

Download their sampler here. (.zip format)

Miss Lix
So how did you first become interested in making music?

Bella Saona: I've been singing all my life. I went to performing arts school for voice. Music is my salvation!

Miss Lix: What performing arts school did you go to?

Bella Saona: Laguardia School of Performing Arts. The school the 80s show "FAME" was based on, hahaha.

Miss Lix: Did you meet the other members of TFaR at school?

Bella Saona: Nope... I went to a show with my sister and Steve was singing with his old band, Radiate. He was the lead singer and the guitarist mastermind. I walked up to him after the show and said "Hi, I'm Bella. I'm a singer too..." He gave me a CD and a T-shirt when I signed their mailing list, and we started e-mailing, working on music together -- So thats how I met steve. Lee, our other band member has known Steve since they were five. They had played in a bunch of bands together.

Miss Lix: That's cool, so you all have a background in music. So with all of you guys' previous musical talent, what do you think influenced TFaR's sound?

Bella Saona: Everything I think -- music, art, fashion, movies, life, love, sex. We wanted to meld a bunch of different genres like rock, dance, pop, and electro to make something thats fun, hot, and dancey!

Miss Lix: Yeah, I totally get that from the "Shut Up, Dance!" EP. I noticed that you have a couple songs on there that have Spanish lyrics, what's up with that?

Bella Saona: We also have a few baile funk songs in Portuguese. I am Brazilian/Italian, so I speak Spanish and Portuguese. I listen to a lot of singers like Shakira, Marc Anthony etc. so it was never a question of not singing in Spanish. My music is an extension of me so its natural for me to sing in those languages.

Miss Lix: Are Steve and Lee fluent in Spanish?

Bella Saona: Steve is, not Lee. He's Ecuadorian. We are both proud of our Latino roots, and have played a lot of Latin-based parties and stuff. The show we are doing in Chicago is a Latin/electro night.

Miss Lix: Oh, awesome. I'll totally be there! Now for a kind of fun random question... tell me about the craziest crowd you've had.

Bella Saona: Easy. We played an all ages show in the bronx with about 250 kids. It was in the auditorium of a church with no A/C. These kids were going nuts and stage diving the WHOLE SHOW! I even stage-dove twice, hahaha. We were all dripping sweat. It was insane. There were even little 12- and 13-year-old kids hitting on me! It was a trip.

Miss Lix: Haha, speaking of which, how old are all of you guys?

Bella Saona: I'm 19, and both Steve and Lee are 28.

Miss Lix: Talk about an age gap! Do you feel like they overshadow your experience at all?

Bella Saona: Haha, not really. I write the lyrics and melodies that make the songs hot!

Miss Lix: That's impressive. What's the process for lyric-writing for you? Like, are any of these songs about real-life experiences?

Bella Saona: Steve writes a beat, we listen to it in the car, I start coming up with lyrics and melodies, and then we demo it in our studio. Some of the songs are based on personal experience. Some are just fun party songs.

Miss Lix: Well I love the entire EP! Thanks for your time, Bella! Anything you wanna say to the readers of uppermiddleclassbitch?

Bella Saona: Yes, come to our show when we come to Chicago on December 6th at the Kinetic Playground! We wanna ROCK YOU! Thanks babe, you rock!

October 3, 2008

Sign Up For The Chicago UMCB Mailing List!

Sign up on the uppermiddleclassbitch. mailing list for Chicago event flyers, reviews, blog updates and contests (want the Miami newsletter)?

Comment on this post with your name, location and e-mail address. Only I will be able to see it. I promise I won't junk up your mailbox/sell your information.

Miss Lix

Sign Up For The Miami UMCB Mailing List!

Sign up on the uppermiddleclassbitch. mailing list for Miami event flyers, reviews, blog updates and contests (want the Chicago newsletter)?

Comment on this post with your name, location and e-mail address. Only I will be able to see it. I promise I won't junk up your mailbox/sell your information.

Miss Lix

October 1, 2008

I am, You are, We are Uncle Karl.

Karl Lagerfeld does it again for his Spring/Summer 2009 collection in the motherland of courture during Fashion Week. Here are a few highlights from the show:

And my personal favorite... I hope the darlings on Canal Street get their contacts in China to do this one.

All photos by Flynet Pictures.

And free music for you! This is my current favorite track.
Santogold - You'll Find A Way (Switch & Sinden Remix)

September 30, 2008

The Most Important Holiday of All!

My birthday is on Saturday -- let the celebration of excess begin!

You're invited to join me for my birthday at Richie Rich's Miami Beach Fashion Week (Funkshion) show. Richie Rich, a once-90s NYC club kid, is one-half of the designer duo (with Traver Rains) that is Heatherette (I don't know what the fuck is up with the site, but that's the official one). Sorry guys, my info was wrong -- it's strictly Richie's show!

The show begins at 8pm this Saturday at the Miami Beach Botanical Garden (2000 Convention Center Drive). Fisico by Christina Ferrari will follow shortly thereafter. Funkshion is really a wonderful event, whether you like fashion or not. It's a tantilizing evening of pretty people and usually imported Italian beer (Peroni, specifically).

Then throw on you FRUiTs-wear and thong-sandals for Grace and I's Asian Pop Culture-themed party at White Room (1306 N. Miami Ave). Dressing up isn't required for entry. Shit, I don't even know what I'm going to wear to my own party. I joked about it earlier and just said that maybe I should just show up in one of my usual minis seeing as I am of Asian descent. I win.

RSVP for White Room here on Facebook (I didn't write that event description...) and RSVP for the fashion show via

I'm only going to be in Miami from Friday night until Monday afternoon, so make sure you come see me and wish me a happy birthday. Presents? I like neon pink things, glitter, vegan baked goods, rare electro vinyl and Jagermeister.

I'm going to do it up really big, as usual.

September 18, 2008

Fucking A

Sorry for like, the complete standstill in posts. I've been ridiculously busy in Chicago and honestly have yet to really get at least knee-deep in the Chi-town club scene. I'll let you guys know when shit goes down here. I will be heading back to Miami for the weekend of my birthday for a few parties (all of which everyone is invited to).

Please visit the following for updates in Miami (including events and party pix):

Nefarious Girl
The Popness Party

To keep up with me add me on Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter. I'm also going to attempt to get back to at least updating my Tumblr. Mmmmmm online social networks.

P.S. Come visit my place in Chicago. I'll serve you cupcakes on top of a pink platter that has been sprinkled with loose glitter and a mirror heart.

August 20, 2008

Eek! Mini-Hiatus!

Due to my temporary 3-month move to Chicago this coming Saturday morning (ugh, I'm going to cry on the plane anyway), I may not update for a bit. But you should be used to that, I'm pretty bad with updating.

Either way, here are some things you have to look forward to on UMCB once I settle in near Magnificent Mile (foreseeable overdrafting!):

  • A long-awaited interview with vocalist, Bella Saona of The Fire and Reason
  • Crazy pictures from my official going-away party at White Room
  • Why there should be a difference in the daytime and nighttime contents of your bag
  • Beginning to my track progress on the Karl Lagerfeld Diet
  • Miami AND Chicago Shit-to-Do (nightlife and events)
I will still definitely be updating my Twitter via texts and maybe my brand-spanking-new tumblr, so follow me on those in the meantime!

Wish me luck with flying with my liquids (97 lipglosses, counted today) and sharp weapons (stilettos)! Love you all!

August 15, 2008


My official going-away party is tonight at White Room.

There's NO cover, open bar (free vodka!) 10-11 and first 10 minutes of every hour, the best DJs: Johnny Strokes, AL B Rotten, and De La Vega (Diego + Dalton), and you should should come to see me for one of my last party nights in Miami, bitches!

1306 N. Miami Ave
Miami, FL 33136

Be there or else you're stupid.

The flyer is in the previous post.

August 14, 2008

I'm going to cry in the airport...

...and it's gonna be like a movie. I'll hug my parents, grab my bags, and board the plane in slow-mo. And the guy sitting next to me on the plane will be playing some sap Coldplay or Keane song loud enough to be the soundtrack to it all. 

And then I'll get over it and become semi-famous in a new city.

I will be moving to Chicago for three or so months in 8 days (leaving Saturday morning). Although Chicago seems like an awesome city, my heart will always be in Miami. I'm going to miss this city so much! I'll even miss the assholes that weave in and out of lanes on the 836, the crazy bums that I pay off to look after my car (Troy the Wonderboy and Al, specifically) and the tourist-littered beaches. But most of all I'm going to miss my PARTY PEOPLE. What will I do without you guys? Geez.

Well, you all should know me already -- I'm having a bomb-ass going-away party tomorrow courtesy of White Room and my favorite men at MiamiNights. You need to come by and show me some lovin' before I go! Alas, this will not be my last night out at the clubs (I may host eXposure on Monday at White Room again) but it is the official party for me. It's also going to be Dalton's last night in Miami as well so you really should be there for his last set in the 305. Bring all of your friends, it's going to be popping! I whipped up a quick little flyer yesterday for it:

(Click the flyer to see it larger.)

And of course, the obligatory shit-to-do list, new and improved with Facebook event links (if available):

Thursday, August 14th (today)

Money$hot @ The Vagabond (flyer)
Feat. Los Borrachos Tour w/ DJ Craze & Dave Nada
2-4-1 drinks 10-11pm and 3-4am, $10 cover

APT Presents Red Room Thursdays (flyer)
Feat. Ray Milian, Jonathan & Josh
2-4-1 drinks 1-2am, comp shot for all @ 2am, 25 cent cover (?!)

Guilty Pleasures @ Aero Bar
Feat. DJ Ross One, Mark Leventhal & Artime

Friday, August 15th

My Going-Away Party/Fracture @ White Room (flyer is above, duh)
Feat. DJs Johnny Strokes, AL B Rotten and De La Vega
Open bar 10-11pm and the first 10 minutes of every hour!

Saturday, August 16th

Poplife Presents: Paid Vacation @ White Room (flyer)
With IHMDJ and a live performance from Juiceboxxx
Fly Girl boutique in the Red Room, open bar 10-11pm

Jose & Branden Present: THISISIT @ Miami Art Space (flyer)
No alchy, but an awesome dance party in an awesome space nontheless!
Feat. DJs Dasme, Berryteback, Soobwoop & Rangotango

Coming soon on UMCB... an interview with The Fire and Reason!


P.S. If you don't have me added on MySpace yet, get at me!

August 11, 2008

eXposure Tonight @ White Room with DJ Scottie B!

(Click the flyer to see it larger.)

UMCB is turning into a bulletin board for flyers for shit going down at White Room, haha.

You need to come by tonight for eXposure at White Room! We managed to get the amazing Scottie B all the way from B-more (that's Baltimore for all you non-hipsters) to spin tonight! 2-4-1 specials and only $3 cover. It's going to be amazing. Oh yeah, and I'm hosting again so I'll be there to dance and act rowdy with you. What more could you want, honestly?

P.S. Last night I locked my keys in my car at 5:30am  like a fucking idiot. NEVER EVER call a locksmith at that time. That shit cost me $187 for a guy who barely spoke English to jimmy my shit open with a clipboard and a wire hanger in 30 seconds. Henceforth I'm going to be kind of acting broke-and-cheap for a couple days. Lowerclassbitch. But only till Friday, hopefully.

August 8, 2008

An Awesome New Friday Party!

Hopefully I'll see all of you tonight at The White Room for FRACTURE, a new weekly Friday party with the most ridick open bar plan. Get this: free drinks from 12am-1am AND during the first 15 minutes of every hour onward.

The flyer is a little scary, but it's not a secret Goth Night. Promise. Maybe it's called Fracture cause you'll get so mad trashed you'll leave with broken bones? Not sure. Either way, be there and give me a drunken hug! No cover here, duh.

Plus my boy Dalton is going to be DJ-ing this shit, check him out and download some of his tracks and mixes! He won't be here in the 305 much longer, be sure to come tonight and check him out.

Click the flyer to enlarge it!

August 7, 2008

FINALLY Murk'd Pics and Shit to Do This Weekend!

Okay so am I the biggest procrastinator or what?? Here the pictures are, finally, from "The Big Sleep" Murk'd art party at PS14 from last Thursday. It's been a year since this happened in Clubland.

Fellow model Sam and myself got "bodypainted" (more like, graffiti-doodled and taped-up) by local arteests AholSniffsGlue and 131/Data-D while Salami Fingaz ripped it up behind us with everything from downtempo houseyness to Wu Tang.

With exhibit curators and masterminds Parable and Movie Boy.

(click for larger versions)
Photos by Chipi of, check there for more pictures of the event!

And now for the original UMCB "Shit to Do" section of this update (* indicates a weekly party):

Thursday, August 7th (today)

Pimpin' In The Red Room @ White Room (flyer)
Feat DJs Otto von Schirach, Peasants with Feathers and more
18+ w/ID $5 Cover. Drink specials all night, doors open @ 10

Money$hot @ The Vagabond * (flyer)
Welcoming back DJ Contra from the Coldplay/Santogold tour!
2-4-1s from 10-11pm and 3-4am, doors open @ 10

Saturday, August 9th

AquaBooty Raleigh Hotel Summer Sessions (flyer)
Feat. NYC's DJ Mr. V and more. 21+ only.
I have 2 poolside event tickets to give away, e-mail/IM me if you want them GONE!
Otherwise RSVP for guestlist to for the pool party
Buy pre-sale Penthouse after-party tickets here

Poplife presents Popart @ White Room * (flyer)
$1 SNOWCONES!!!!!!!! Haha, perfect for a steamy Miami night.
And no cover plus 2-4-1s before 12.

More shit to do coming soon!

P.S. Want more traffic on your nightlife/party pic/fashion/music/slightly-related site? Me too. Exchange links with me!

August 5, 2008


I was just about to do an update with those pictures from PS14 on Thursday night (where I got "bodypainted") when I realized that I haven't slept in about 40 hours. So I stopped, and said I'll do this tomorrow. Check and follow me on my Twitter meanwhile for more sporadic random updates on what I'm doing throughout the day. I often update from my phone in the car or when I'm getting my pedi and I'm bored. I'm funny, promise.

Because I don't want to seem like a complete tease with these pictures I've been promising, here's a picture of me getting graffiti'd up by Gustavo from the back:

Click it for the larger version.

Frontal pictures tomorrow!!!! WOOO!!

And now I'm thinking that I'm still slightly out of my mind because I'm writing a post about deciding to not write a post because I need to go to sleep before I die. Look at me, still rambling on and on about shit you don't particularly care about!

So I will now go to sleep without really having much sense of what time it is and pretend to be a normal human being.

What's the longest you've gone without sleep?

August 1, 2008

TGIS! The Week In Review..

So while I wait for what seems like forever for the pictures from last night's Murk'd party "The Big Sleep" at PS14, here's the week in review. 

I'll throw some pictures at you from this past Monday's Exposure party which just so happened to be a panty party AND Krystle's birthday as well. I anticipated only a couple girls showing up in underwear, but hell, it got super-packed, super-fast. A birthday platter of cookies and brownies adorned the corner of the bar while The Unicorn King graced our presence as usual as more and more of us (including myself) stripped down to our underthings. DJ Johnny Stokes helped take our minds off of the room being a hellpit with some awesome jams.

What's that? You want pictures? Unfortunately, our normal party pic go-to, Justin, was absent so we had a kind of community photography effort. Phear our superior point-and-shoot skillzz!!!!11!!

... I don't know what you're thinking, but I'm sure it's along the lines of, "Dayum." Perhaps.

Tuesday and Wednesday I stayed in (or at least from the downtown area). Thursday was Money$hot at the Vagabond. The backyard was closed off the entire night, which allowed for the air conditioning to fully fill and circulate through both rooms. I was celebrating my friend Stephanie's birthday that night, so I wasn't all too much of the cynical socialite I usually am. I mean, it was your normal Money$hot. Indie rock, you know? Not really my thing. Whatevs.

Friday was the new Sound Clash night at The White Room with DJs Johnny Stokes, Dalton and Diego O. There was something weird going on at first (electrical, I think) so we all got in around 10:30-ish instead of 10, when the open bar was supposed to begin. Unfortunately, the party was a little bit of a bust at first. The crowd came, drank, and went when open bar was over at 12. And Johnny Stokes couldn't spin cause of an equipment fuck-up. Dalton tore it up meanwhile. Then we had a surprise set from DJ GRRRPWR! And then it all went dead around 3-something. Whatever, I had fun. Heard The Vagabond was dead for the most part too.

And then Saturday I made sure to hit up the entire holy trinity... Poplife/Rock the Bells Afterparty at White Room, Back Door Bamby at the Vagabond, and PS14 for Otto von Schirach. Poplife was decent, but there were more people at Back Door. I walked in during the middle of a performance, chilled out for a bit in the back room (the front room music isn't really my thing), and then wandered over to PS14 in time to watch the last half hour of Nastie and Otto being crazy on-stage. It was a pretty eventful night.

Oh and shit to do you have to do (especially seeing these pictures from the last one...) :

I'm hosting that shit bitches! (Just never call me Alexandra. Lix, please.)

July 25, 2008

Lose Five Pounds In Five Days: The Club Junkie's Way

In just five easy steps:
  1. Don't sleep. When not at the club, keep yourself awake and busy by working a day-job that doesn't pay you nearly as much as you deserve.
  2. Gain the little carb intake you want from comp'd drinks.
  3. Go to the gym at least four times a week and run on the treadmill for at least 3 hours.
  4. Take your smoking habit to a new non-social level.
  5. Black coffee = breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Tip: Develop a dangerous, illegal habit.

You'll wake up in a few days and voila! you're tiny. The proof will be in the party pics!

And now, because I'm fresh out of sarcasm and am feeling too shitty to write something of more substance, I leave you with UMBC-recommended shit to do!

Saturday, July 26th
Poplife @ White Room (click for flyer)
Live performance from Astari Night
2-4-1 drinks before 12, doors open at 10

Monday, July 28th
Featuring the best works of students from the DASH summer program
Snacks served! 6 - 7:30 p.m.
DASH Gallery, 4141 N.E. 2 Ave
(Fuck the M-DCPS budget cuts, support the arts! And after you do that, drop your pants for...)

Exposure @ White Room (click for Krystle's flyer and panty flyer)
Krystle's birthday/Miami's panty party!
2-4-1 drinks 10-11 and 3-4

Speaking of Exposure, check out this sexy promo video Andrews Lorenzana made:

See you bitches at the clubbbb!

July 19, 2008

Irritable Line Syndrome

So I'm mostly over going to the beach clubs (except I have yet to go to Aero). Why? Because of dumb semi-predictable shit like last night. In case you were sleeping under a rock, Jamie Lidell performed last night for a map magazine/Poplife event. I'm not quite sure of the exact people who were promoting this but they did a damn good job. It also couldn't have been too hard considering this is like, the ultimate Poplife weekend with the aforementioned anniversary party tonight in my last post. Now, let me begin my bitching.

I headed out on my way to Heathrow from home around 11. I got to Heathrow at 12:30 due to being stuck in standstill traffic on the causeway. Literally standstill. I would've taken a picture cause it looked crazy, but I didn't have the camera. I rolled down the windows, blasted a Designer Drugs mix and sat on the hood of my parked car for a good fifteen minutes. Turns out there was some shitty accident up ahead near the fork on the side for Alton Road. So I arrived at the place with melty-makeup and frizzed hair. Of course, ten minutes after standing in line to say that I'm a +1, the goddamn fire marshal rolls up. One of the girls at the door tells me that there's alarm trouble on the inside and that they've reached max capacity (400-something). The doors were then closed, and no one was allowed in (unless you were buying a minimum of two bottles). I stayed out there for quite some time to try to make that shitty wait on the bridge worth it, but eventually just was annoyed enough to get my car and drive to The Vagabond where I had some friends already and to meet some people who were leaving Heathrow.

Dear Miami Beach, why must you be shitty to me every time I see you? Can't we just be friends and get along?

And I'm not going to go on and on about this 'cause I kind of already did to like, the world but -- what the FUCK was up with 2 Live Crew deciding to sell out for the show at White Room on Thursday? And why was The Vagabond empty? This past Thursday downtown was the shittiest and most surprising yet.

Whatevers, today's outcome will be on the other side of the spectrum. See you tonight at White Room!

July 17, 2008

Suggested Reading

No no, I'm not telling you to skim-read through To Kill A Mockingbird over your summer vaycay. Check out this article.

SO! With that said, another reminder for this Saturday! Be sure to show up and give your extended hispter/indie family huggles at the Poplife 9 Year Anniversary at White Room. For those of you who aren't into the "scene" (for lack of better description), it's a really big deal to be able to keep an ongoing party up for even a year or two. Especially in the ever-picky metropolis of Miami.

I'll include myself in the aforementioned picky. Personally, in retrospect it gets me kind of warm n' fuzzy on the inside. I've met most of my close friends at random Poplife nights, and always look forward to toting along someone who has never been before. I can name my favorite usual people that I KNOW will be there on my hands (more than once). Aw.

 I extend a high-five to Barbie and Aramis. Come celebrate and get down to Free Blood with all of us! Click here to purchase your $15 ticket from

Sidenote: UMCB has an e-mail and AIM screenname available now! If you ever need to contact me for any reason, just shoot me some formatted Unicode at or talk shit with me on AIM using misslixtheumcb. I expect to hear from someone soon!

July 15, 2008

"My Beautiful Mommy" and Another Monday Night Past

"A must-have for any mother with young children considering plastic surgery."

Only in America can we have plastic surgeons publish children's books in which the cosmetic plastic surgery process is defined, explained and made out to be an extremely nonchalant change. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? It seems as though that M.D. Michael Salzhauer is testing all of us. It seems mostly like a good idea to me. I mean, I can imagine it would be crazy-difficult to explain to little Susie how and why Mommy went up a cup and a half over a school day. Salzhauer uses the elementary cliché caterpillar-to-butterfly comparison from what I can tell by flipping through some of the pages digitally on the official website. The only thing that worries me is why wasn't Mommy beautiful from the start? That, and what the FUCK is going on with the illustrations? Dramatized and glamorized, much? Look at that woman's waistline! And she's surrounded by glittery-wooshy things. Of course. When I have my tatas done, I'll demand the surgical staff to wave sparklers around them...

I'd make this a much more ranty and long post, but I'm dead worn from the events (or lack thereof) of last night. In short, it was one of the best nights of music at Exposure @ White Room yet on top of DJ Blaqstarr MC/DJ-ing. And flirtatiously inviting me to Denny's and then Hotel Victor. Pictures, as always, can be found here and here.

I work mornings every goddamn day till Saturday (I think), so I'm probably not going to be partying too hard this week.* What I will definitely be doing?

Thursday, July 17th
Money$hot @ The Vagabond (click for flyer)
Free before 12am, $10 after
30 NE 14th St

Saturday, July 19th
Poplife's 9-Year Anniversary (!!!) @ White Room (click for flyer)
Tickets available for $15 online
1306 N. Miami Ave

I'm also going to be sharing my favorite song of the moment with you guys:

* This is a lie.

July 8, 2008

Gameboy/Gamegirl at Poplife at White Room Review

Another delayed post.

This past Saturday at Poplife, the Australian electro group Gameboy/Gamegirl was booked for a show. Honestly, I had never heard their stuff beforehand so I was feeling pretty accepting no matter what. The kids pretty much had a slightly more extreme-looking "I got this granny jacket at Goodwill for $3"-look in comparison to a lot of the people I see in the usual downtown scene (feel free to rank on me regarding "usual downtown scene" at any point if you were there and saw me wearing my American Apparel rouched tube dress).

The main room remained pretty empty for maybe the first half of a song or so, but soon quickly filled up. Quite honestly, the lot of their songs seemed like looped samples that they just Uffie-style sang-talked over. A technical difficulty, ripped pant leg and exposed-and-drawn-on-fatty-tummy later from them, a few beats were catchy in the end. Unfortunately for the most part I just leaned there against the booth and kept thinking about the time and cost of the flight from Australia to the 305 for this.

I had a chance to meet up and talk with them afterward and tell them that they did indeed act pretty enthusiastic on stage and that the performance itself was enjoyable. I promised an add on MySpace and proceeded to continue dancing with my peoples while Miami Horror's set (not to be mistaken for being from here, also originates from Down Under with GB/GG) was going. Which I enjoyed more that the main showcase.

And now still and motion media from my super sophisticated Canon point-and-shoot:

Gameboy/Gamegirl performing on stage at White Room

Here's some quick UMCB-suggested reading from my boo Duran down at the Miami New Times. Although it's not an after-show review (which you should keep checking back for), it definitely speaks another unmentioned facet of why I'm not too sure about GB/GG.

And for photography that actually clearly shows the show/my extended hipster family, you ought to keep on the New Times site and look at the slideshow or my favorite party pic site, The Popness Party.

A nice picture of Duran and I.
Justin Namon/Miami New Times

P.S. As mentioned before, UMCB will be undegoing some changes in content. As of today, MAJOR changes. My tastes have changed as well as what I do on a daily basis. In example, compare this post to the Victoria's Secret PINK Rally at the Raleigh event coverage way earlier.