Explore Your Inner Bitch

Dear loyal UMCB readers and haters (big up),

Only few of us have the ability to be a complete bitch -- most of us are able to release some kind of temporary bitchiness. Then there are those that are just straight up pussies and walk away or hide their face when conflicted. I find it hard to classify myself sometimes -- but I'm definitely not the latter unless the situation is incredibly dire and I know there is nothing I can do about it.

The verb "to bitch" usually has a negative connotation. It does. It has no positive connotation that I know of. People (men and women alike) only bitch when something is wrong. My definition of this is to verbally go off on someone. You mouth off, cuss, spit witty comments, scream and talk mad shit. Most adults and pretentious psuedo-intellectuals will tell you crap like, "There are better ways to deal with it" and "Don't stoop to their level". That's all dandy and good if your opponent(s) are obviously on a "low stoop", but what if they think that they're higher than you, off your so-called stoop of morals and are chilling out on your porch leaning against your front door? Ignoring that what they're on is YOUR territory?

Fuck that.

You take your time to convince yourself not to beat the shit out of them when you talk to them next and exercise the goddamn First Amendment and/or whatever constitutes freedom of speech in your country. If you do it well, not only will you feel slightly (results vary) more empowered, you'll get a nice little endorphin rush too. Oh yeah, and you will have most likely pushed that slut/bitch/bastard/asshole/douche back down to the bottom step of the stoop they Smeegle-crawled from.

P.S. I got that necklace I was talking about a while ago. Check it:

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